Female Control and me

As Mistress Cecilia knows, I wrote a (lovely) blog entry on Saturday, as requested by Her. I put plenty of effort into it, as usual, and it was well written and informative (I hope!). It gave a good insight for Her into my current submissive state of mind, which is what She wants to know about. In a move which bordered on the truly insane, I then, in a state of what I can only label as irrational confusion, proceeded to delete that very post. I could not believe what I had done and I am not ashamed to say that it nearly reduced me to tears of despair and rage! The night was far too advanced for me to even consider reproducing the piece of writing which I had madly consigned to drift eternally through cyberspace. I resolved to address the matter on Sunday after a few hours sleep. The thing was this blog followed my first of three half hour calls last Wednesday and was intended to precede my next one on Sunday. With Mistress’ agreement, partly due to family reasons and partly to enable me to try to rewrite my lost blog, this second call will now take place on Monday, when I am to be ready, butt plugged, with nipple clamps, a gag, my dog bowl containing water, a candle (ouch!), and my “fuck cushion” at hand. I do believe Mistress intends humiliating me with this item! I cannot wait to be at Her mercy once more. She has warned me there will not be much talking allowed, hence the availability of the gag which I know She will have no hesitation in ordering me to silence myself with.

How can nearly four months have elapsed since I was last under Her control? The passage of time truly frightens, and occasionally depresses, me! On that occasion in August, I was treated rather strictly, at Goddess’ request, and subjected to what Mistress Cecilia called “minimal stimulation”, punishment for the appalling misbehaviour reported to Her by my Owner and detailed in my blog entries for that period. Needless to say, She did not allow me to cum at all, in line with Goddess’ wishes. Even if She had not spoken out on this, I don’t think Mistress would have permitted a different outcome.  

Anyway, our first call this month occured last Wednesday when Goddess handed me over and observed me as I obeyed Mistress Cecilia’s  commands (including several bouts of controlled stroking and edging -NO cumming-, arse punishment with 20 hard whacks of my leather paddle, arse fucking with my “Silver Bullitt” vibrator, posterior in both cases in Mistress’ full view) for the very first, and incredibly exciting, time on webcam. It was really wonderful, erotic, kinky and sexy to perform on camera for Her. I felt truly in Her presence, almost as if She was there in our bedroom directing my every move, me clad in my beautiful latex corsetty top and “SLUT” panties, legs sheathed in my brand new black rubber knee-high boots, with platform sole and five-inch stiletto heel. They feel gorgeous on my legs and make me feel really tarty and sexy and submissive.

For an exhibitionist like me, being exposed and controlled in front of a cam is heavenly. This piece of technology adds powerfully to the male’s sense of submission and is clearly a very valuable extra weapon in the Dominant’s armoury with which to asssert Her authority over the likes of me. She can literally watch and supervise my every move. There is no escape from Her scrutiny, nowhere to hide: “do this”, “do that”, stroke”, “stop”, “turn around”, “look at that hard cock!”, etc… Orders from the “instructrix” to be obeyed to the letter… or else! I was looking forward to, at last, being in that position, and I know Mistress also was very keen to observe  and rule “Her” cock and the slutty male it is attached to. I am a complete convert to the webcam and cannot imagine future calls ever going ahead without this device. I am, in fact, all geared up technology-wise as we invested recently in a telephone headset specifically for these types of calls, a development which will allow me, at last, to have both hands free to do as they are told, which is all they will do!

Now, for an update on this state of mind of mine. Well, I think it can be very well summarised as “more submissive than ever, with a greater desire, a more intense focus,  than ever on my part to serve and obey my Goddess”. Simple as that! And a wonderful feeling, one which has taken far longer to become firmly (and, I have no doubt, permanently) established than I could have imagined. I know Goddess, just like Mistress Cecilia, knew that it would be a long process to reform my bad ways, to steer me well away and for good from my ridiculous male fantasies of Female Domination, whereby I wanted to experience control when I felt like it  and wank away to my heart’s content and call Cock Control deceitfully the rest of the time! But those two Women are precisely that: WOMEN, wise and infinitely more capable of demonstrating self-discipline than any of us pathetic, weak-willed and cock-led males.

A word of caution here. Progress I have made, yes. I am not the only one saying it, and I stress I am not down playing that . I am not singing my praises when I state that I have indeed come a long way. I was ADDICTED to masturbation and Telephone Domination and selfish thrill-seeking. Goddess is well aware of these steps forward, so is our Pro-Domme, and I really feel that Mistress Cecilia agrees. Anyway, She has Goddess’ word to go by, which is far more reliable than mine! However (isn’t there always a “however”?), I am all too mindful that MUCH more remains to be achieved. Complacency and temptation are the enemies. Someone told me recently that submissive training is a lifelong process. That’s daunting, yet I know it is right. Controlling that out of control cock has been the primary task since all this began, the fundamental key to beginning my submissive training proper in order to then move on to deepening it, to making me a real slave and servant, primarily to my Goddess of course, but also to those Women who assist Her and who borrow me for Their enjoyment.

The “however” is a necessary fact nevertheless, and may always be so because, firstly, I am a male and I recognise that I MUST live under strong and permanent Female Rule, without compromise. This is the only guarantee of obedience and discipline. Males are just too weak-willed: FACT! Yes , I can be out of chastity for longish periods of time, certainly hours, even days (this has only happened once actually) when in close proximity to Goddess (i.e. at home or out together), and I can be trusted to lock myself up without any rebelliousness if Goddess is not there to do so (She nearly always locks me up Herself though, and I always say “Thank You Mistress”), and I will not even touch the padlock key on the rare occasions She has forgotten to return it to its hiding place, which I incidentally never try to uncover (only tried once or twice in the early chastity days). That said, I know that cock, despite the strict control it is subjected to 24/7 (Goddess’ Dominance, my improved obedience, and being locked up and inaccessible most of the time) , could relatively easily backslide to its bad old days. This could happen, hypothetically at a time when Goddess and I are not together and if I were, for the sake of argument, out of chastity (which I stress I never usually am when we are apart, except sometimes, for comfort reasons, if I have been sent out shopping on my own… hope that makes sense!). Then, I fear those old “demons” could rear their ugly and unwecome heads again. That worries me a bit if I think too much about it, which I fortunately don’t as life is busy, Goddess keeps me busy, and my focus on serving Her has improved immeasurably, AND I am sure I now have enough self-control to hold out for a reasonable length of time. Mistress Cecilia knows She has played a key art in reining me in in this way. It is still a little worry at the back of my mind if I think about it, though, because I don’t want to ever find myself again in a position where I might not be able to resist temptation, the capital crime of playing with, and gaining pleasure from Goddess’ cock without Her express authorisation.

I use the word “mind” above because, despite the very real hurdles which have to be overcome for a Woman to take full control of Her male’s cock (and I am living proof that this target alone is not without considerable ups and downs!), it is really the male mind, as any truly Dominant Woman knows, which is the last and greatest bastion of resistance to the logic of utter and unquestioning obedience to Female Rule, true self-discipline. I have already honestly expressed my “fears”  about how I feel I could, without strict control, return to my bad old ways, even if only temporarily, only to then experience tremendous guilt and be compelled to confess to Goddess, with one inevitable outcome: SEVERE punishment, which is certainly an important factor that helps to keep me in line (”phew”… I am grateful for that fear!).

What I am saying is that it is in my mind that the conditioning that I have undeniably undergone, and which has so benefitted me, in turn leading to much enhanced pleasure for my Goddess, it is in that mind, that still very randy and slutty brain, that much more work needs to be done. I know how my brain works: it landed me in enough trouble, after all! I am fortunate, I must say, that You strong Women understand the inner workings of the male mind. That’s one important weapon on Your side! It will take a lot more time, I know, but I offer up that mind utterly willingly and without barriers to much more input, in order to bring about the deep-seated and irreversible mentality of complete, GUARANTEED obedience and subservience which I hanker after as much as Goddess does. I know You want this for me too, Mistress Cecilia.

We have been told by one Dominant Woman that the eventually ideal outcome would be for me to be able to be out of chastity indefinitely and to effortlessly demonstrate self-discipline at all times, with temptation not ever being able to penetrate my mental defences. Well, on one level, what a marvellous goal to strive for! I am certainly nowhere near there at this stage of my life , though! Anyway, even if I did reach it (and why not have it as a desirable goal?… after all, utter compliance is what this is ultimately all about), and Goddess and I have discussed this, She would still require for me to be in a chastity device as She simply adores the visual evidence of Her control. I have to agree with Her, as I adore too that feeling of being controlled by those rings and cage, those sharp “Points of Intrigue”, literally stifling, suppressing,  any attempt at unauthorised erection. And an erection would be another training hurdle to overcome in that ”futuristic” scenario. It would be one thing to not play with that cock, but another equally challenging aim would be to not even let it get hard!  That said, Goddess’ cock hardly ever goes hard nowadays without authoristion, from Her or the Mistress borrowing me. Pretty real control and evidence of real cock control success!

Which neatly leads on to a topic both of us are keen to explore and make a reality one day, if at all possible, and that is CUMMING ON COMMAND!  We both understand that this will take a lot of concerted and determined training for me, even if delaying significantly my orgasms were to be the only possible long-term outcome. However, if that ultimate peak could be made a reality, what a JOY, what an amazing pinnacle to attain: Goddess able to enjoy orgasm after orgasm after orgasm with the use of Her property (for She does love Her cock inside Her Temple!) with Her servant prevented for as long as She wishes from gaining sexual gratification! A very potent fantasy of ours is one where She loans me as and when required like a fuck toy to entertain, amuse and pleasure other Female Dominant friends of Hers, sometimes with Her watching the proceedings. Whether this ever becomes reality one day, or just remains a highly thrilling fantasy (guess which possibility I opt for when allowed to voice my opinion?), the thought of being made to perform sexually, fully trained and unable to cum other than at my Owner’s command, this thought drives Her and Her bitch absolutely wild! I would ADORE being in this situation, surely a TRUE SEX OBJECT! For the reasons explained below, I have no hesitation in stating that I would delight in being kept denied for as long as was decided for me, whilst my Superiors used me to the full. I mean that!

One more “detail”: we purchased ages ago an Aneros device for the specific purpose of milking me, partly for prostate health reasons and partly for Goddess’ entertainment, but time has been one problem, as well as difficulty in learning to use it effectively. Nevertheless, we also want this piece of equipment to become part of our orgasm control routine. Do You have any ideas to help, Mistress Cecilia?

Whilst I have been dwelling on the successes I still must, and WILL, work at, it has not been my intention to downplay the exciting advances that my cock and orgasm control regime has brought about. I just want to be open, frank and realistic. Goddess and I understand that this is a very long journey, but we are in it for the long haul. You, Mistress Cecilia, know how I used to be and this does not change overnight. Pity, but less challenging and enthralling! I can still sometimes forget my place, let my mind wander. This has to end. Nevertheless, on the positive side, I cannot stress enough the ABSOLUTE MARVEL that Goddess’ sexual control of me represents. I just LOVE being kept denied, to such an extent that I literally forget very quickly when my last orgasm occured, and I have NO interest in when the next one will be authorised. Incredible. Furthermore, I am totally accepting that when Goddess’ cock is unlocked and used, it is by far first and foremost for Her pleasure. When I do cum, well that is purely incidental, a side show, of no importance, an unfortunate side effect, hence our joint ambition where cumming on command is concerned. The point is that I used to be SO consumed with seeking my own sexual gratification in the days when Mistress Cecilia joined forces with Goddess to radically alter my behaviour. Now, I thrive on being kept denied! We have read so much about the theory of orgasm denial, the positive effect it has on the male, but to actually practice it, to change a male as I have been changed, well… WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

What better illustration could I offer than what happened a few days ago. We had both had a frustrating day dealing with various problems, we were tired, and there was no time for our weekly discipline session. I took the initiative (which I am allowed to do, PROVIDING I sense the moment is right!) and made love to Goddess in the purest of ways, WITHOUT any regard for my own pleasure. That came SOLELY from the several powerful orgasms I gave to Goddess by worshipping Her whole body, kissing and sucking Her breasts, firmly massaging Her butt (which She has always adored), and stimulating Her soaking pussy with my fingers and eager tongue. She was absolutely delighted with my performance and actually told me She did not give a DAMN about my sexual pleasure! Wonderful! It goes without saying that I remained in my CB 3000 throughout and after, and I will not deny that the cock contained within its polycarbonate walls was straining massively to escape. Not a chance! I was ELATED! ThankYou, Mistress Cecilia, for helping to achieve this. I have not cum for approximately THREE weeks and, once upon a time, I would have been at “panic stations”. No longer! WOW again!

I mention above about FemDom theories. Well, here’s another one expounded by, amongst others, the doyenne (French word for You, Mistress, keen potential student of that romantic language that You are!) of Loving Female Authority, none other than Elise Sutton. We both have  reservations about some of Her beliefs and other theories, but she is spot on when she speaks of the Woman’s Dominance growing stronger all the time as it feeds off the submissive’s ever-deepening enslavement, the bit by bit taking over of all of his previously taken for granted freedoms, including his one time bad habit of thinking without ALWAYS taking into account Her wishes. This process naturally works the other way, the submission feeding off the Dominance. We can vouch that this is what has happened with us. I am, as I said at the start of this entry, more submissive than ever to my Goddess and Mistress, my Queen, and this is becoming a more potent force all the time. Focus on Her needs and wishes is a daily way of life for me. As for Her, She is more Dominant and assertive with, more in control of, me than ever. One of my struggles has been to get it firmly implanted in my head that She is my Ruler AT ALL TIMES, whatever mode She is in: tired, work mode, unwell, on Her period, sad, worried, feeling weak, etc… I am coping a lot better with that concept than I did at first, which is not to say that I should not be on my guard against forgetting my place, because that can still happen!

And She IS a strong Woman, something I also misunderstood and underestimated. Just because I am a strong and dependable male who does not shirk responsibility and whom She likes to lean on for advice, support and, most importantly, love and adoration, these factors do not make Her weak. She wants to keep ALL of my strengths, but under Her full control, just like all the weaknesses that needed and still need remedying. Except at the start of this journey, when I pushed and nagged Her (not just through ceaseless wanking and phone Domination calls!) to begin taking the lead with me (and I emphasise again how misguided I was in my concepts of what true FemDom meant), nagged Her like the great majority of males who want their partners to seize control (for that is the overwhelmingly usual pattern), Goddess has been steadfast in refusing to do anything against Her will and merely to please me. She has been, as She always has, open-minded and willing to discuss all aspects of FemDom, and extremely patient listening to me going on and on, more patient and tolerant, I am certain, than most Women in Her position would have been. However, every new step has occured overwhelmingly AT HER PACE, PRIMARILY FOR HER BENEFIT, just as should be the case. She was once told by another telephone Mistress, who gave Her valuable advice on placing me in chastity, that Her Dominance over me HAD  to be ALL ABOUT HER. She took on board that philosophy enthusiastically, and it was reinforced and strengthened many times in much knowledgeable and serious FemDom literature She consulted subsequently. She was strong all along and has become MUCH stronger. Me? I am weakening all the time!

I have, obviously, no idea whether You will let me cum at the end of our third call. I will accept, as ever and without any argument, Your decision, and it will be Your decision as You temporarily own me. One side of me would love to explode on camera for the very first time specially for Your enjoyment, for You to gain an even greater sense of the power You wield over my fate, for Your pleasure. The other side simply wants to be kept denied for longer! Again, I am in Your hands, helpless! AsI say above, I feel You will be quite tough with me later today, Mistress. All I can say is “YES PLEASE!”. I am at Your complete mercy, or lack of it! Let me suffer for You, make me humiliate myself for You!

So long for now, sexy Mistress. I certainly don’t post as often as I want to but I do produce volumes when I put that mind to it, don’t I? Plus it’s very therapeutic! I just hope it’s not all too much of a ramble! You deserve better than that from one of Your “loyal subjects”!

P.S. A couple more details which should meet with Your approval. One: I now wear a short pink satin nightdress every night (chosen by Goddess). Two: I have a beautiful thick rubber cock dildo, with balls, that I have to suck on daily for a few minutes in front of the mirror whilst stimulating my nipples with a medium-hard toothbrush, part of a feminisation programme I must observe. I do it all with pleasure. It is another one of our long-term aims to get me, one day, to suck another well-controlled submissive male’s cock, eventually to orgasm, with me swallowing every drop of his cum. I would most probably be in bondage, having been whipped hard first to really subdue me, and being fucked anally by Goddess or the other slave’s Mistress. One of the Women would direct my cock worship verbally and be holding my head by pulling on my hair. These (feminisation and cock sucking) would have been of no interest to me in the early days. Feminisation I would have seen as ridiculous. As for cock sucking, I would have thought it repulsive. Now I love my dildo, and the idea of a real cock, the latter especially when I am in a near trance at the bathroom mirror, completely naked, save for my chastity and pink ribbon. These would certainly have been no more than fantasies not that long ago, particularly the cock sucking, so who knows what the future holds in store for my sluttiness? I have already been taught that, if and when I do sucka real cock, I will do so principally because my Goddess wants me to do so. Pleasing Her in this way WILL be my overriding motivation. I accept that.

Finally, did You know that I occasionally sleep apart from my Goddess, up in our playroom, door locked by her, cockleash attached to my chastity, nightie on, and rubber slave collar locked around my neck, in a sleeping bag on a camp bed, just like a prisoner. I have a pot to piss in and my rubber cock to suck on as and when necessary. She releases me in the morning. Each time, it is another lesson that She can do whatever She wants with me, including denying me what has now been for some time HER bed and the joy of feeling Her body near mine, and cuddling up to Her. More instances of what I can no longer take for granted and excellent for the development of my submissive frame of mind, I am sure You agree.

I want to write a piece about one of the assignments Mistress Cecilia gave me recently, namely that I had to eat a meal, when feasible, in my dog bowl. This I achieved on Sunday, some days later than I would have liked, but that’s the limitations family life imposes!

Anyway, I finally got the chance to eat my breakfast from my dog bowl, totally naked and on my knees, in our playroom. I also wore my black leather, D-ringed slave collar, even though Mistress had not instructed me to do so. I wore it to emphasise my sensation of submissiveness as I carried out my order. It was also more difficult to consume my food as my head movements were significantly limited and made uncomfortable by its 1.5 inch thickness and stiffness. I was in my chastity, as instructed. 

This was my first time eating this way, believe it or not, and the whole experience was really quite powerful, physically, but mainly psychologically. I didn’t cheat: I ate my regular combination of cereals, muesli and fresh fruit, without using my hands at all, on my knees initially, but I quickly had to resort to lying on my stomach in order to overcome the movement limitations imposed by the collar, having to also to get my face well into the bowl to eat everything up. After all, much as Goddess adores me using my tongue on and inside Her Temple to pleasure Her, its length and dexterity simply cannot compete with that of a dog, even though the situation I found myself in with my breakfast was precisely that of a canine creature! With considerable effort, I did manage to eat all of my food, ingested by nothing more than my mouth and tongue, face shoved into the food like a snout, milk dripping from it, bits of food stuck to it. I had to move around the bowl to tackle its contents from different angles. The only other method I used was to rotate the bowl a bit, for access purposes, with my nose. I was no better than an animal.

And was that not the aim of the exercise, to make me feel degraded and no better than a beast? Well, Mistress, as I reported to Goddess (who very much aproved of You setting me this task), I did indeed feel degraded. The discomfort spoiled my enjoyment of a meal I always savour daily but, above all else, the manner in which I was made to consume it reduced me to a status  beneath that of a human being. I do not lack in self-esteem, as You know, no matter how deep my submissive cravings are, especially to be enslaved by my Goddess. Indeed, true submission is not about denying the likes of me my self-worth, temporarily perhaps but certainly not permanently. However, my training and future life do, I believe most would agree, necessitate me experiencing episodes like this one to remind me of my place beneath my Female Superiors and of the fact that They have the power to inflict them on me as and when They consider I need to be on the receiving end of them.

ThankYou therefore, once again, Mistress Cecilia, for enlightening me.

My training, through relentless but essential disciplinary punishment, continues unabated. The increased level of control I am experiencing is making me feel like a caged beast, with no route ahead of me other than compliance and obedience… and what a logical route that is! Mistress Cecilia, in those early days when She began to make me respond to the full force of the influence She is so capable of exerting over me, described me, because of my randiness that had gone mad, my masturbation addiction (that She vowed to cure, and has made great progress with) and my FemDom obsession, as being like a tiger in a cage pacing up and down, seeking an illusory escape. That escape is more impossible than ever. Mistress Cecilia is inside my head and body and easily directing me from within. I am truly learning my lesson, uncomfortable though it is.

My second call under Mistress Cecilia’s control took place on Friday. It had been a busy day, devoting myself to Goddess, including giving Her my full attention with shopping (which I love giving), so I got home with only minutes to spare before dialling those magical numbers that connect me to the voice and aura of the Mistress currently enjoying Her ownership of me… and how I LOVE that feeling of temporary ownership by Her! I know too how She enjoys it, and that also pleases me and makes me feel proud (I hasten to add not in a negative egotistical way!).

As we drove home, we discussed the wonderfully positive effect Mistress Cecilia has had thus far and will, without question, continue to have on my submission and service to the love of my life, my precious Goddess. She is so delighted to be able to hand me over, loan me in this way to a Lady She has teamed up with  and trusts to train and control me on Her behalf, for Her benefit. She is utterly happy too for Mistress Cecilia to enjoy Herself to the maximum, at my expense, whilst She has me in Her possession. Goddess just loves knowing that I am helpless to my temporary Owner’s Dominance as well as Her sexuality, and loves how these affect Her whore. For one thing, She understands the power of sexual Dominance, through Herself and someone like Mistress Cecilia, in helping to crush me further. Mistress Cecilia’s effect on me really turns Her on. As for slutty me? How could I want to resist? Really, the noose of control is tightening around my neck and Goddess’ cock all the time.

Anyway, feeling just like the object that I am, compelled by my cravings as well as my Goddess’ wishes to call Mistress Cecilia (and desperate to meet, in turn, the demands She Herself makes of me), I got to the phone on time, black rubber butt plug lubricated and in place, as expected.  The way I rushed to the phone made me feel delightfully as though I had been literally summoned by my Superior, which in a way is always the case. How could I dare to keep Mistress Cecilia waiting? It would be so direspectful. She answered instantly, before the first ring had ended. Since this training programme comprises a heavy element of punishment, I was made to get erect only once, in order to fuck my “fuck cushion”, cock well lubricated, with an instruction to edge just once also. This was difficult to achieve anyway as that cushion takes some getting used to, and Mistress had made me wear my tight black latex hood, which makes me ever so hot and sweaty. She also got me to place 2 wooden clothes pins on my nipples. Before lubing up Mistress’ cock, She ordered me to whip it, hard, 10 times with my black rubber cock whip. I did so instantly, striking it as hard as I could. After pulling out from the “fuck cushion”, I was made to whip each buttock 10 times with the same implement to punish me for talking too much. My final commands were to shower and lock myself back up in chastity, which I did.

Part of the effect Mistress Cecilia has on me, which I refer to above, is how, rather astoundingly but probably unexpectedly (and certainly coming as no surprise to Her, so assured is She of Her hold over me), I increasingly find that Her”on loan” cock is pretty well unable to get erect without Her command, without Her making me clearly feel Her power over me. Friday was a case in point. That cock remained soft and only sprang to action when She ordered me to make it do so, which I did in seconds. She rewarded me with such a sensual “Good boy”! It feels so fucking good to only get hard on Her command!

Today’s assignment, on Sunday, provided further proof of this phenomenon. My instructions were to watch another FemDom DVD for 30 minutes (this time, Mistress Amanda Wyldefire’s “Head Games”), whilst ball-gagged, fucking my arse throughout, bent over our “bondage” bench, cock restrained in the leather cock harness and cage with internal spikes: NO touching allowed, obviously. I complied fully, the cage laced in place very tightly and located by a buckled strap encircling my ball sack, with another one very neatly dividing up the balls themselves: a rather neat, under control package, a truly caged beast! The only touching I dared do was to make the cock hard before encasing it and doing up the lacing. Yes, the spikes did, as they are intended to do, discourage my erection but the fact is that this very kinky/sexy DVD would normally provide plentiful stimulus to maintain a good erection, especially if my hands were allowed to help it along. After all, Mistress Wyldefire is wonderfully dominant and sexy, clad head to toe in black and red latex and thigh-high boots,  fully in control of the slave she is tormenting with electrics, rubber restriction and extended isolation, anal stretching, repeated use of tight hoods, complex gags, nose tubes, etc… The slave is just a rubberised object being used for his Mistress’ amusement, and being punished for not obeying her orders to remain in full-time chastity, for lacking in respect toward her, for paying too much attention (when he can!) to her cleavage, and for gaining an unauthorised erection.

All of this would normally be more than enough material to keep that cock hard and begging to be wanked. Instead, it just deflated, despite my body feeling turned on, and my willing on that cock! I know why: I did not have Mistress Cecilia’s permission to be hard and, once again, this must be very pleasing to Her, not just because it demonstrates Her influence over me, but because it means, once more, that Her principal goal in this training programme is being achieved very effectively: little or no stimulation of that cock, verbally, visually, mentally or manually. The simple fact is that it is not getting erect, or attempting to get erect, anywhere near as much as it still normally would, given the chance (no matter how much more obedient it is, overall, nowadays). Goddess is delighted with this dearth of stimulation of Her property by Mistress Cecilia’s approach, which compliments Her currently deliberate general neglect of it, and maintains its “bread and water” punishment.

Saturday morning was another example. I woke up absolutely packed with desire to pleasure Goddess, virtually crazed and, I hasten to add, with no regard for my own sexual release. I felt truly unselfish. She allowed this to go ahead, resulting in Her obtaining, to my joy, 3 orgasms. She, incidentally, got 3 more today (Sunday), whenI remained fully in chastity as I worshipped Her body all over. On Saturday, She did release Her cock to carry out a few controlled stroking exercises (I was allowed just a few strokes myself) and She did ride on Her posesssion for a few minutes for Her sheer enjoyment, but She very skilfully limited the stimulation and edging I was granted. This was just about the only touching Her cock had received in 2 weeks.

It also demonstrated to me the kind of self-control and self-discipline Women are quite capable of. What a contrast with us pathetic males. Goddess has told me She misses being able to use Her cock at will, and I do feel really bad that my behaviour has necessitated the punishment being dished out to me, behaviour that results in Goddess having to deprive Herself of Her cock. Yet, She has told me She has no difficulty in implementing my sentence, nor will She automatically rush into using Her cock inside Her Temple when She considers I have paid a sufficient price. The sentence can always be extended. Women really are stronger than us. They are the Superior Sex.

My latest assignment included massaging Goddess’ feet with lotion. I spent several minutes on Sunday evening giving each of Her lovely feet my full attention.

I misunderstood, as Mistress Cecilia knows (and She reprimanded me, justly, for arguing with Her about Her wording of the instruction) one part of my previous assignment. She wanted me to eat my dinner out of my dog bowl. Goddess has decided that I will do this on Monday evening, on my knees, naked, collared, in our playroom. Needless to say, I will eat just like a dog, with no cutlery permitted.

As regards the “cloth” sheath idea Mistress suggested to prevent Q-tip stimulation access to the cock head through the end of my CB3000, I respectfully suggest that material is just not practical. I have to think of urination problems that would be encountered (could be very messy!) and the fact that the material, anyway, could actually be easily removed, by pulling it through the opening, to misbehave (not that I am planning on misbehaving!). It would be pretty well impossible to put it back in place whilst in chastity (whether removed to misbehave or, which would be ultimately necessary, to urinate). True, its absence, for genuine or naughty reasons,  would have to be explained to Goddess but it would just get too complicated from a practical point of view.

No, what is needed (as I pointed out in  a previous blog after I discovered the major design flaws of the CB2000, in particular with its easy access barred design, but also the CB3000 with its over large urination opening) is a sturdy, more permanent barrier  that cannot be removed once the chastity device is locked in place, one that nevertheless allows unrestricted urinating. To this end, Goddess is going to bring home a catheter bag to see if this, once adapted suitably and placed inside the CB, could provide a good and secure solution to prevent any temptation at wrongdoing. I am also going to test a solution I had mentioned in that blog (although I have refined it further!) which consists of a cut-off empty toothpaste tube that fits inside and part of the way up the end of the CB3000. However, since I already know that the toothpaste tube opening, sticking out of the end of the CB, can still accomodate a Q-tip that can reach and stimulate the cock head (my tests have revealed!), I am going to try adding to the end of that tube part of the flexible tubing from a liquid soap dispenser, with a sufficient length to prevent access by Q-tip. The tubing is, in any case, too thin to take a Q-tip, yet should be OK to permit adequate urine flow, whilst its flexibility should avoid its addition to the CB causing any “storage” problems. How will the tubing be attached securely to the toothpaste tube to truly prevent any chance of access to the cock? It’s difficult to explain but if it is cut off at the right point, that wider point should lodge safely within the end of the toothpaste tube, leaving the flexible tubing dangling on the outside.

I hope that makes it clear enough, Mistress. I know You said You were keen to know what the idea I had mentioned previously amounted to. Naturally, I will keep You informed of our trials and tribulations and, most importantly, our hoped for success. If necessary, I will go back to the drawing board, although I hope this concept works, even if it may need improving upon! I know, I know, the only real way is to show self-control, as You and Goddess have told me so often, and I agree, and I have every intention of attaining that goal permanently. However, that link between that incredibly randy brain and cock has yet to be fully broken, so any help, however absurd sounding, should be employed. Anyway, is the scheme described above any more absurd than wanking within a chastity device with the help of a Q-tip? Shame on me, I know, and I mean that seriously!

I mention above the partly tough approach Mistress Cecilia adopts with me, a toughness which is so necessary with a slut like me. She has told me several times (with entirely justifiable confidence, I have no doubt) how, were I to (miraculously!) find myself in Her presence, She would effortlessly “kick my ass”, implying how I would quickly find out, and pay the price for crossing Her in any way. Those words simply make me tremble. I just know how fierce She would be with me and how She would squash me like an insect into submission to Her. What more qualified person to do so?

Finally, I want to thank You, Mistress, for mentioning me in Your blog in relation to my current training under You. I am always thrilled by such attention, but am most especially honoured by Your calling me a “dedicated slut who truly gets the message of what Divine Dominating Women are all about”. You refer to me as one of Your “more loyal and dedicated subjects”. Such recognition is genuinely special coming from a true Mistress like You. I say true for, exactly like my Owner and Goddess,  You understand and recognise the logic of Female Superiority. You believe in it, You see the need for it, no matter how far off World Female Rule undeniably is. I could not submit nowadays, not considering the journey I have covered so far, the learning I have done (despite my still too prevalent imperfections), to someone calling herself by that title but not holding those beliefs at heart. That’s a major reason why I submit so readily to You, Mistress Cecilia, and welcome so positively the support You give Goddess.

I am DETERMINED to be a good boy for Her, and for You.

My training continues.

Wednesday’s assignment, given to me in no uncertain terms by Mistress Cecilia, involved me watching another FemDom DVD but, this time, I was ordered to place Goddess’ cock in bootlace bondage, and to insert my cock plug for the very first time. This exercise, lasting throughout the duration of the DVD, was to be followed by 20 minutes of arse fucking with a large dildo, bootlaces and cock plug untouched. All was achieved, apart from the following.

The cock bondage went ahead, naturally, as instructed but, Mistress, I just was not able to, despite repeated efforts (erection, semi-erection) and quite some discomfort (including producing a small amount of blood from my urethra… I luckily clot easily!), get the cock plug in all the way and keep it there, which is obviously what it is designed to do, even if its shape were the only clue! I was very, very disappointed as I had really looked forward to wearing this kinky device at last, especially from the point of view of obeying my orders from my Mistress currently in charge of me, but I just could not do it.

As Goddess told me, I presumably will require step-by-step, progressive conditioning to eventually be able to take and keep in place this very sexy object. I cannot help but think that Mistress Cecilia would be more than delighted, were She in a position to do so, to train me in the cock plug department in person, and that She would succeed! Anyway, perhaps I will be able to accomodate it in time. We’ll see.

My assignments during this training programme, so far anyway, owing to the slutty, ill-disciplined and disrespectful behaviour described in my last blog, are all meant to be forms of punishment. I believe You, Mistress, might agree with some satisfaction that, unsuccessful though I was, my discomfort constituted a kind of suitable alternative punishment.

The DVD I watched, without touching that cock for one second, was called “Morgana’s Revenge” and featured again Irene Boss and a couple of her sisters in crime/Professional Mistresses. The story is rather relevant as the male who is dealt with mercilessly by them is a househusband, like me, who has abused his position of trust and has completely slacked by wanking, calling phone sex lines, using the Internet excessively, and even wearing his Mistress’ clothes secretly. The wanking, Internet abuse and calls are the offences which directly led to my Goddess seizing control of me through chastity and Her enrolment of practical help from the likes of Mistress Sadie and Mistress Cecilia.

I adore having that cock in tight bondage, especially when Goddess restricts it that way and teases me mercilessly to keep it rock hard, straining against its bonds.  For this exercise, the foreskin was pulled all the way back and the lacing encircled that highly sensitive cock head tightly, winding its way up from dividing up my ball sack but, again, its enthusiasm did wane eventually, which I can only assume once more was due to the total lack of attention it received from me. Again, this should please You, Mistress, with the thought of that cock giving up the struggle to stay hard and accepting its fate, namely that it just cannot receive the slightest physical pleasure unless my Goddess or the Mistresses who co-rule me, allow it to be stimulated.

As I say, my non-touching assignments, coupled with virtually no controlled stroking exercises under Goddess’ guidance (which She is so aware I adore), and nearly 2 weeks of orgasm denial so far, plus at least another 2 weeks, with absolutely no certainty then of an end to my punishment, this strict regime is designed to teach me a lesson for recent behavioural infringements. I am in a state of total acceptance, and submission, about my punishment, and I am determined to learn from this lesson. I don’t care how long these tough rules stay in force. I am missing authorised orgasms and stroking, but I brought this upon myself.

I am thrilled that You are delighted with the equipment and clothing/boots list I sent You, Mistress, and so look forward to being made by You to use them. The photo of Goddess’ cock with its pretty pink ribbon decoration was added in with the others as I knew You would like to see that cock feminised.

As regards the dessert part of my previous assignment, I have already written to You about it and sent You photos but I just want to inform any other readers of this blog that I presented Goddess on Tuesday with a lovely pear and chocolate mousse continental dessert. I coupled with it some delicious Belgian chocolates (which we would normally share but which, this time, were strictly for Goddess only) and a beautiful single pink rose to revere Goddess all the more because Mistress Cecilia had, ideally, wanted me to make the dessert myself. Fortunately, She accepted that I am no decent or adventurous cook, but I wanted to make the extra effort as a consequence, and also because Goddess deserves extra effort all the time anyway! Goddess was really pleased with my little gifts and thanked me, which naturally made me happy, but I nevertheless pleaded with Her not to do so as what I had given Her was merely Her absolute right. It is part of what She deserves, namely to be treated all the time like a true Goddess.

This is why, since my previous training sessions in May with Mistress Cecilia, when She told me to buy Goddess an exotic flower as part of one assignment, I have decided to make it a monthly occurence, at the start of each month, to present my beloved Goddess with, if not always an exotic flower, then at least a beautiful single flower as another symbol of my devotion to Her. Thank You, Mistress, for planting the seed of this idea in my mind.

In my next entry, I want to share with everyone some thinking I have done in the last few days on how I am going to significantly improve my behaviour for, and therefore my submission to, Goddess.

Very finally, I am thinking hard about a failsafe way to prevent any future attempt on my part, should I waver again (which I don’t believe will happen, but I prefer not to take any chances), at stimulating that cock head with a Q-tip whilst in chastity. I am close to a solution. All should be revealed soon! 

As of Sunday July 29th, I have been placed by Goddess under the control of Mistress Cecilia. This was very overdue as my last training programme with Her was back in May. These sessions are due to end on August 9th , and will involve 3 calls, with accompanying assignments to complete every other day.  Goddess’ plan is to make calls with Mistress Cecilia more regular and frequent, be they individual calls or longer training programmes. Her input is so important in furthering my submissive training, having been so effective in positively modifying my behaviour since Goddess contacted Her last year. Mistress Cecilia was confident from the start that, teaming up with Goddess, She could help to tame me. She has been proved so right. I have a great deal of respect for Mistress Cecilia.

The first call took place on Sunday 29th, beginning with Her initially luring me (silly, silly boy that I am!)  into a fairly friendly but false sense of security by thoroughly questioning me about recent bouts of bad behaviour on my part, of which Goddess had notified Her (more about this later). Suddenly, Mistress literally pounced on me like a tigress and seized full control of me by ordering me to be quiet (something She has no hesitation whatsoever in doing, very effectively indeed, in view of my inability to keep my mouth shut for any decent length of time) . I was to obey Her stroking instructions. I immediately inserted my lubed up black rubber butt plug when She told me to do so.  All my toys were at the ready, which is what She expects, along with me being totally naked and on my knees. She rarely forgets to check that I am indeed on my knees in submission to Her, although She knows I would not dare do otherwise.

Incidentally, following a very strict demand fom Her yesterday, Mistress now has in Her possession a complete list, (also posted on this blog for Her to refer to easily) of all FemDom equipment at Her disposal during future calls. This list (which She demanded as Her right, which it is) also incorporates the slutty items of clothing and boots I own for Her to dress me with for Her amusement and my humiliation. I left out nothing, as ordered. It’s as if She has “invaded” and physically taken control of a section of my home. She wants this list now in particular as I will very soon be in a position, at last, to perform on webcam for Her. Hopefully, this may actually happen before the end of this training session. I know She is extremely excited about, at long last, seeing and controlling me on camera, and I just cannot wait to be so completely exposed in this way to Her willpower. I know She has many ideas simmering away in Her superior mind as I type. I will comply with Her wishes without hesitation, needless to say.

Sunday’s call ended, after my being made to edge several times, with zero orgasm. This came as no surprise as I knew Goddess had informed Mistress that She has me on a prolonged orgasm denial period, as a punishment for 3 shameful and unauthorised wanks I had 2 or 3 weeks ago, after falling out with Goddess. These were done within my panties (which I wear permanently now along with a pink ribbon done up at all times around the cock and ball sack), like a real slut, with really not that much manual stimulation to a hardly erect cock, more like a Woman stimulating Her clitoris, which is how Goddess’ cock is often referred to. This stint of denial could last into September, I have been warned. I certainly have no idea when it will end. The controlled stroking tease and denial sessions I am periodically subjected to by Goddess are also being severely rationed to even deny me the pleasure of touching at all Goddess’ property, as well as the mental pleasure of receiving and carrying out stroking instructions. Correctly disgusted, Mistress Cecilia reprimanded me sternly and called my rebellious behaviour that of a “spoiled brat”. I could do nothing but confess to Goddess about those wanks.

My situation, and necessary punishment, have been made worse by my admission to, over several weeks, approximately 10 more despicable and pathetic episodes of cock-head stimulation with Q-tips (see blog entry from earlier this year on this subject) whilst locked up in chastity. I “only” edged myself each time, deliberately avoiding cumming (in spite of the lack of self-discipline I mention above), apart from once when I unfortunately and accidentally spilt a few drops of spunk. The minute amount of physical pleasure I experienced was easily cancelled out by my guilt, as well as annoyance with my clumsiness. Because of these unforgivable lapses on my part, the sex-related assignment Mistress Cecilia set for me for earlier today involved absolutely no cock contact on my part. I assume this pattern may well continue for the other assignments She sets me during this bout of training.

Apart from verbally correcting me, Mistress asked that I should analyse and reflect on that behaviour, and explain exactly what pathetic short-term pleasure I gained, and whether it was worth it. To this last question, I answer categorically that, no, it was not worth it. I am paying a hefty price, although I accept my retribution as very well-deserved. I will do my utmost to better myself as a slave to my Goddess by learning this current lesson.

As to why I wanked and played with Q-tips,  well the wanking was exactly what Mistress Cecilia called it: rebellious, just like a child would behave, with spite (”OK, I’ll show you!”). What I still need to learn, drum into my head myself, and have drummed into it by those who rule me, what I need to put into practice permanently, is that Goddess is my Goddess and Mistress every second of every day, IRRESPECTIVE OF ANY OTHER FACTOR. There can be NO exceptions, NO compromise, NO direspect to Her authority. I must be conditioned to never , ever give in to temptation, to not even experience it. This must become my permanent state of mind. I say I want to submit fully with Her wishes, then I MUST do so. There can be no other way. With my long history of lack of self-discipline in the cock department, I am often wary of making grand plans and undertakings. However, this is precisely what I must do by constantly calling upon my personal resources to comply with what is expected of me. Either I am serious about my submission (and I AM) and I submit PROPERLY, or I don’t bother. I feel very angry with myself for showing such weakness and for disappointing and upsetting my beloved Goddess, the Woman I adore and want to dedicate as much of my life as possible to obeying in every detail, in order to worship and serve Her in the true meanings of those words.

All of the above applies equally to the Q-tip incidents, which were the result purely of that battle that can still rage occasionally within me between, on the one hand, the terribly bad old days of constant sexual gratification and thrill/titillation-seeking and, on the other, my desire to display one hundred per cent self-control. The battle is clearly not yet won, yet I know this will happen, for I know I have made great strides over these last 2 years, since Goddess took charge and locked me up in chastity, and enlisted the invaluable assistance of ”our” Professional Mistress, and Mistress Cecilia’s expertise.

My first assignment comprised 5 sections. More than ever, most especially because of my transgressions, I feel Mistress Cecilia wants me to concentrate (in fact, She told me this is what She wants) on my efforts at worshipping Goddess, at proving to Her my desire to serve Her, to make Her feel good, entitled to being revered. I will not be satisfied unless I reach this goal.

-The equipment/clothing list is done.

-This first blog update is nearly complete.

-I gave Goddess earlier this evening a lovely warm and relaxing bubble bath after Her work shift and  gym workout, and took up to Her a glass of chilled rose wine.

-I had to provide Goddess with one of Her favourite desserts or a fresh fruit display, presented artfully. I was allowed to consult first with Goddess and She opted for the dessert. Ideally, because She did not wish this task to be too easy, Mistres Cecilia wanted me to make the dessert myself but, as I told Her, neither of us enjoys or is competent at cooking, so I will travel 6 miles tomorrow to visit a certain store and select something worthy of Goddess from among its ample range of fancy foods, including luxury fresh desserts. I hope this meets with Mistress Cecilia’s approval.

-I carried out this morning the sexual part of the assignment. I watched for 1 hour and 10 minutes (Mistress stipulated 1 hour, but I wanted to exceed this to show my desire to please) parts of 2 FemDom DVDs. One was actually a DVD (Jayne’ Sex Change”) by and featuring Irene Boss, from Pittsburgh (!), wearing her strap-on throughout, alongside her 2 similarly equipped colleagues! Lots of corporal punishment, feminisation, medical and anal play. The other was called “Rubber Domination” starring a gorgeous, sexy and very dominant Mistress Miesha, dark hair styled in a severe bob, and clad in black patent, high-heeled thigh boots and the most irresistible sky blue latex catsuit. To keep her current male slave on his toes (his work performance having waned of late, and he has become complacent), she interviews and puts through their paces 2 potential female slaves, making him think he is about to be replaced by one of them. Lots of rubber fun ensues, but she keeps him on in the end, when she drags him to her bedroom for him to show his devotion to her, his lesson being that he must work harder than ever for his Mistress and never again take his position as her servant for granted.

As ordered, I wore my butt plug and ball gag strapped into place tightly. My mouth got very dry. My wrists were restrained with metal handcuffs (having ensured I could unlock myself with the key, as Goddess was at work!). I was not to carry out this viewing late at night before bed as Mistress has previously correctly identified any kind of FemDom reading/viewing before bedtime as detrimental to my sleep. Goddess agrees fully with Mistress and consequently enforces a ban to prevent disturbance through attempted erections, whilst asleep, within my chastity, these erections being made very uncomfortable owing to the pressure they come up against from the “Points of Intrigue”attachment that I wear routinely (mine being the sharpest of 3 available sets of teeth designed to discourage erections by causing quite some pain).

Mistress had told me She wanted me to let my “imagination run wild” and release my FemDom “demons”, I guess to temporarily purge me of, alleviate, my addiction to FemDom. I did as She wanted and imagined myself in the position of the male submissives in both films. I also thought of various other scenarios I have experienced or would love to live through one day. I did not touch that cock once and locked it up minutes after the exercise ended. Although it was erect part of the time, it did subside and I can only imagine this was due to the fact that, in spite of the eroticism on the TV screen, Goddess’ cock gave up straining for lack of manual stimulation. I think this will please Mistress Cecilia as evidence of a rather satisfactory kind of cock control! It is quite likely, I imagine, that this was what She wanted to achieve.

Finally, since Mistress had informally hinted on Sunday at me performing this type of exercise, I mistakenly took this mention as a demand on Her part to be met at the first opportunity. Therefore, yesterday Monday morning, for half an hour, I did a similar exercise, although without the cuffs and gag, which She had not talked about. Ah well, my slutty enthusiastic desire to obey Mistress Cecilia just ran away with me!

I know You thoroughly enjoy dominating me, Mistress Cecilia, but THANK YOU nevertheless for taking me on for this programme. I will not displease You. I submit totally and so want to benefit from Your training. I know I will.

Here is the complete list You have demanded, Mistress Cecilia.

1) GAGS

-2 ball gags, one black, one blue

-1 black cock-shaped rubber gag, about 2 inches long

-1 black “face-fucker”, with one end as above for my mouth, the other one a 5-inch rubber cock for Goddess to ride on or for me to suck on afterwards

-1 black rubber cock-shaped inflatable gag

-1 metal ring gag (fits behind teeth to keep mouth open for objects or liquids)

-1 plastic ring gag (same use as above)

-1 black rubber bit gag, like for pony play, with black leather straps for Goddess to control me with

2) HEAD AND NECK GEAR

-2 rubber padded blindfolds, one black, one red

-1 black rubber hood, with back zip and 6 buckled straps, with chin strap, optional blindfold, and mouth opening easily filled with gag

-1 black rubber gas mask, isolates entire head, fitted with strong black rubber collar, extra gag and blindfold can be accomodated

-1 heavy-duty black leather head harness with detachable blindfold and optional black rubber pump-up gag

-1 black leather head training harness with integral black wooden ball gag

-3 slave collars: 1 fairly wide black leather with 3 “D” rings, 1 very strong black rubber with padlock, 1 wide rubber posture collar with 3 “D” rings

3) RESTRAINTS

-metal handcuffs

-black leather wrist to thigh cuffs

-black leather hogtie device, collar for neck, cuffs for wrists and ankles, which can be positioned as low or as high as desired thanks to multitude of metal “D” rings that run down the back strap

-2-foot wide metal leg spreader bar with black leather ankle straps

- many metres of soft black rope

4) DISCIPLINE IMPLEMENTS

-1 classic black leather riding crop

-1 black leather paddle

-1 black rubber cock whip, about 10 strands

-1 black suede whip (don’t know name but can be very painful), suede wrapped around itself

-1 pain wooden spoon

-1 plastic Police truncheon, accompanies Goddess’ “Corrections Officer” uniform

5) ANAL, COCK, NIPPLE AND OTHER DEVICES

-1 standard black rubber butt plug

-1 inflatable black rubber butt plug that used to also vibrate but no longer does

-1 silver regular-shaped vibrator, about 7 inches long

-1 red rubber pony butt plug with “pony tail”

-Goddess’ black leather with black rubber 6 inch cock strap-on harness

-1 “humbler” device carved from wood, coloured black, which fits victim from behind, resting on rear of thighs and which, thanks to its curved shape, fits over male’s ball sack when this is stretched nicely backwards for it to be restrained between the device’s 2 halves (suitable opening is provided for scrotum!). These are then kept tightly together with nuts and bolts which are put in place by the Mistress. The cock is left exposed at the front at its tormentor’s mercy. The “humbler” does precisely what its title suggests, it humbles the male slave by permanently holding him literally by the balls backwards. he is uncomfortable and cannot stand upright at all, hunched at best, though his knees are his only real option, nor can he move fast owing to the effect of the bondage. There is no escape and no running away!

-1 black leather cock cage with lacing to keep it in place, and vicious spikes on the inside to discourage erections

-1 circular metal cock torture device (name unknown) to encircle the cock, with sharp teeth on the inside that dig in to the cock when operated by scissor-like handles on the outside

-heavy metal cock and ball weights

-1 metal cock plug, AS YET UNTESTED

-boot laces for cock bondage

-metal nipple clamps linked with chain

-plenty of traditional wooden clothes pegs (pins to You?) 

-1 black PVC “fuck cushion” with imitation pussy hole that accomodates whole cock for humiliation play

-candles for wax torture

-1 dog feeding bowl for degradation

-1 work-out bench purchased for alternative uses, namely restraining me to it!

-plentiful lube always on hand

-COMING SOON! Very realistic cock-shaped dildo for me to suck on

6) SLUT’S CLOTHING AND BOOTS

-1 purple latex mini dress with white trim, skating style

-matching purple latex panties with “SLUT” metal stud-embossed on the front

-1 black PVC maid’s outfit with white frilly apron

-black leather-look jeans

-1 purple corset top with red trim, front zip and buckled chest straps, bare arms, buckled shoulder straps

-black rubber, stiletto-heeled, front lace-up (with inside zip for convenience) thigh-high boots

-red PVC, stiletto-heeled, knee-high boots with inside zips

-COMING IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS! Pair of rubber, high-heeled, knee-high boots 

-selection of panties, black fishnet hold-ups (thigh-highs to You), bra, suspenders (garters to You)

-blonde shoulder-length wig

…a loose end! No, not talking of that cock of Goddess’ being laced up by Her latex-gloved hands in tight bondage, wonderful sensation though it is!

I merely wanted to state that I had omitted to mention in my final entry about my gorgeous week under Your control, Mistress Cecilia, that when I was carrying out Your stroking instructions under Goddess’ watchful eye, I had to remove my chastity device myself in the dark as She had me blindfolded.

That’s all. A microscopic detail, but I think You know I am a stickler for detail and I love to reveal absolutely everything to You about that cock, most especially when You have had it directly under Your authority. I will add also that I very much enkoy having to carry out tasks and orders, and have “things” done to me, whilst blindfolded (on webcam?!).

Three blogs coming up about “boot experiences”!

This is probably the last report Mistress Cecilia will demand of me for this training programme as the call with Her later today (my “cumming fate” absolutely unknown to me) marks the end of my period under Her complete control and Her formal handing back over to Goddess of Her slut…until the next time! Mind You, Mistress Cecilia’s influence and power over my submissive condition is never very far away as Her important  role as adviser and support to Goddess remains unchanged. My training and the constant improvement of my attitude and behaviour will always be permanent features of my life. I have no option, but nor do I want any! I will always obey and compose a blog entry for Mistress as soon as possible after She orders me do so. She knows this, so confident is She of Her hold over me.

My final set of instructions involved being gagged with my rubber cock-shaped gag and plugged with my black rubber butt plug. I had to edge at least eight times, using various stroking methods, followed by ten minutes of arse fucking with my vibrator. Then I had to lock myself back up in chastity. These orders were followed exactly, as usual, but I shall give a few more details below.

Goddess aims to subject me, with my complete acquiescence naturally (!) to a weekly discipline/training/bondage/kink session, for fun purposes as well as to remind me of my submission to Her. Unfortunately, weekly is not always feasible but today was my lucky day, so She decided to incorporate my assignment instructions into our session, and supervise me in my performance of them.

I had been trying on my new latex top and leather-look jeans in readiness for the Fetish/BDSM event we are attending this coming Saturday. The top looks and feels gorgeous, very sexy and slutty. She fitted on my head a new black leather harness full of buckles and straps, and added to it the optional blindfold and pump-up gag. This silenced me very effectively. I was isolated. She removed my jeans and ordered me to kneel and not move one muscle. Goddess returned a couple of minutes later and made me zip up Her boots, requesting that I guess which pair She had donned. I worked out correctly that She was wearing Her beautiful new bright red knee-high leather ones with four-inch stiletto heels. They are truly magnificent and never fail to catch the attention of passers-by, obviously mainly males. They are “street wear” boots but they are also fetishy in appearance and very Dominant looking. I later found out She Her body was encased in a black PVC bustier-type top and matching hot pants.

The stroking exercises began under Her sharp eye, but only after She had lubed up and inserted fully inside me with Her surgical latex-gloved hand my butt plug which She told me to ensure I held in safely as “sluts MUST be plugged”. Some of the stroking was later done by Her gloved hand, very clinically. She ordered me to spread my legs before securing them apart with a spreader bar. My feft hand was attached with rope behind me to the spreader bar, leaving only my right hand to wank. Incidentally, we are planning on purchasing in due course a plug harness to enable Goddess to keep me plugged efficiently and inescapably for hours at a time. We will also follow Mistress Cecilia’s recommendation that I be made to wear anal beads for future calls…once that item has been bought too.

Goddess’ balls are so full of spunk, so eager to shed their load, as I have been denied ejaculation since my programme began, and achieving that balance I have described between denial as late as possible and preventing an “accident”is not easily done. However, I did manage to edge seven times safely, before unfortunately, and once again, spilling a few drops of cum (despite my best efforts…please believe me Mistress, I am  sorry…and Goddess reprimanded me). As before, I assure You I gained not one bit of sexual pleasure, beyond the marvellous joy of wanking under Your control and according to Your instructions. Later, Goddess made me edge, without any spillage, three more times.

I was well and truly sexually frustrated, but totally obedient in my behaviour. You must be delighted that I have edged since last Monday on approaching a good FIFTY occasions! I too am extremely happy about each unsatisfied edging, for they relentlessly drum into that cock, and reinforce in that brain of mine the essential message that I and that former cock of mine are FOREVER OUT of my control and FOREVER IN Goddess’ ownership, and any other Dominant Woman She loans me to. I have NO RIGHT to cum, only a duty to serve and pleasure the Superior Sex, with the occasional release allowed. Orgasm denial and controlled masturbation, as it says on the “Cock Control” website, DO keep males “in line”. These control techniques, I am certain, increase the level of obedience and compliance of the males subjected long-term (and permanently for me, for sure) to them. I have never felt so controlled and obedient (apologies for repeating myself), and these incredibly powerful states of mind are becoming, as each day goes by, increasingly and irreversibly embedded in my psyche. NO ESCAPE from Female Control! Makes me dizzy!

Back to today’s “events”. Before my three additional edgings, I was placed on our bondage chair, sat on my plug, and restrained by Goddess. NO escape there either from Her expert rope work. She left me for a while to ponder my position, covered by a black latex sheet. Goddess returned, released me, made me edge those three extra times and then unplugged me, only to make me fuck my arse for a full ten minutes with our trusty silver vibrator. Finally, after the cock had calmed down, I obediently locked myself back into my chastity device. Goddess had rightly given Herself two orgasms with Her personal and favourite vibrator whilst watching and taunting me. She, I think I have said this already, simply adores seeing me stroking away with not a hope of release, most especially in the knowledge that, for this past week, She has had me in Mistress Cecilia’s possession. For my part, what male whore could resist that fate? NONE!

My final act of obedience, Mistress, was to lick up from my dog bowl, some of Goddess’ piss. I did not complain and complied fully. She is very keen to impose this task on me as a potent act of surrender to Her, a sign of my utter inferiority to Her, and as a measure of the level of degradation She can draw out of me without effort whenever She pleases.

No wonder You are eager to view my submissive behaviour on webcam as soon as possible, Mistress. We cannot wait to share with You all aspects of my fully exposed sluttishness! 

Last word: I have not only massaged Goddess’ feet, as You wanted, but kissed them aplenty.

Once again, Mistress Cecilia, I obeyed Your orders completely, with Goddess watching and encouraging me with my controlled stroking exercises, taunting, teasing me, telling me what a whore and a slut I am, talking ever so sexily, making me re-state aloud the extent of the control I live under, most particularly the fact that ownership of that cock is no longer mine, and will NEVER be mine again. It is Hers to do with exactly as She pleases, to tease, to deny, to use, to loan to other Dominant Women in person, or on the telephone, in this case You, Mistress Cecilia.

Goddess stressed the extreme pleasure and thrill She gains from watching me stroke according to the instructions You have given me, knowing that I am fully under Your control, precisely as She intended, right up to the moment when I put down the receiver at the end of our call on Monday. She taunted me that She knows no more than I do whether You will permit me to cum or not, and repeated that the decision is Yours and Yours alone. I am totally at Your mercy, just as it should be! Because of the joy She gains from having You utterly control me, Goddess has told me She intends repeating this process of giving me to You for a certain length of time every now and then in the future. Who am I to argue? I am already looking forward to the next time. I hope You are!

Since Goddess once again wanted my instructions to be carried out under Her supervision, She decided that it would be best to watch me on Sunday morning in the privacy of our bedroom after we awoke. As on Saturday morning (and I believe I forgot to mention this in my previous blog), my first move upon both of us being awake was to immediately honour Goddess’ Temple with my tongue, surely a duty that any slave should address and perform without even waiting to be ordered to do so. The only exception would be if the Mistress/Goddess did not require that attention at that very moment, in which case the slave should instantly back down and serve his Superior in the next best appropriate manner. Even then, he should naturally permanently remain at Her disposal to pleasure Her at any time She demands it. It was fortunate for me that Goddess was happy on both occasions to be pleasured by me in this way, all the more so because I did so each time after She had just returned from “emptying Her bladder” and Her pussy still tasted distinctly of Her golden liquid. I delighted, as I always do, in cleaning Her thoroughly and acting like a kind of human toilet. Wonderful!

However, Goddess (like all Superior Women, You Mistress included) is easily capable of far more sexual self-control than we mere males and She decided that, instead of making me bring Her to orgasm there and then by use of my fingers and/or my mouth, She would wait for a more opportune moment later on, and concentrate instead on the “job in hand”: Your stroking instructions. These were obeyed, naked and on my knees, to the letter, with me driven (so willingly), yet again, into an absolute submissive and slutty state, trapped between those two so familiar positions of, on the one hand, experiencing that desperation to cum and, on the other, that even more powerful compulsion to obey, be a “good boy” for my Superior, my Trainer, You Mistress, entrusted with the responsibility of controlling me.

So, I edged myself five times, had a break of just over half an hour, and edged myself again five more gorgeous times. Those were my orders and those orders were obeyed, without the slightest trace of desire for disobedience, weak will or, worse, rebellion on my part. Being under Female Control is just too powerful a regime for me. The only negative point I have to report is that, once more, one edging, categorically unintentionally, resulted in three or four drops of spunk escaping onto the carpet. Edging is such a dangerous and skilled act! I ate up the minute amount of spunk by using my forefinger to clean it up. I also, in the second bout of edging, ate a small amount of pre-cum that appeared. The important observation to make, and I know You agree with me, Mistress, is that I gained a grand total of zero orgasmic pleasure from the mishap I have described. I do hope You don’t doubt my sincerity and that You are not annoyed with me. I am Your obedient servant, without reservation.

These stroking exercises were very straightforward, and I cannot wait to perform the new ones You have notified me of for today, Sunday, so I will end on the angle I touched on above: the self-control You Superior Women are so much better able to live with than we inferiors. Goddess does, as You know, INSIST on ABSOLUTE OBEDIENCE from Her cock. There will be no turning back on that, ever, no compromise. After all, it was mainly for that precise reason She enlisted Your expert assistance, with the highly positive and satisfactory outcome we know of: my utter sexual subservience to Her and Her chosen “partners in crime”.

However, You also know that She does adore using Her property inside Her Temple whenever She feels like it (although She only today reminded me once again of Her great desire to eventually be in the marvellous position of being able to make me cum strictly only on Her command, an aim I accept and endorse fully). In the last couple of days, She has been very keen to repeatedly use that cock inside Her. However, She has had no problem whatsoever resisting the temptation to do so. Why? You know the answer, Mistress Cecilia! Goddess shares this same quality with You, as You have both discussed: Female Self-Control! That is one of the reasons the two of You rule me and control me between the legs, and the key reason why I submit, without question, to You both. Goddess quite simply realises that Her cock and slut/slave completing their period of Training with You is the most important target to focus on. She can make use of me later at any moment, and in any manner, of Her choosing.

I am just a helpless objectified whore that wants to obey the two of You!

You may like to also know, Mistress, what this slut will be wearing. Well, leather-look jeans, with a very kinky and slutty-looking, sleeveless, blue with purple trim latex corset-like top, the front zipped up but supplemented with several straps and buckles. Cannot wait. I will have around my neck a two-inch wide black leather slave collar with three D-rings, one of which Goddess’ leash will be attached to for Her to keep me at Her side…not that I will be struggling to get away! On my wrists will be leather cuffs that can be readily secured together behind my back or to bondage equipment with dog clips.

Goddess intends bringing along a rubber ball gag, which She most likely will want to use at some stage to silence me (especially if talking about me with another Dominant Woman) as well as a very useful little rubber whip. She may well wear Her black leather utility belt to attach these, and perhaps other, items to it. Underneath my jeans, I will be wearing my highly slutty, yet delightful, purple latex panties with the word “SLUT” embossed with metallic studs on the front. Goddess intends loaning me to another Domme, or other Dommes, should suitable opportunities present themselves, and these latex panties may well end up being seen and commented on by all and sundry! Perfect for an exhibitionist male whore in need of Female control, humiliation and discipline!